One of the most frustrating things about the future is that I have no idea what's going to happen. Yes, the endless possibilities are exciting and it's fun to hope and dream. But for me, the neurotic planner, queen of schedules and timetables, the overwhelming number of possibilities and the infinite amount of choices causes me to cringe inside. I like knowing what's coming next; I don't like waiting for "next" to happen and hoping that I end up standing on my own two feet instead of face down in mud in the pouring rain.
March 24 will mark my 6 month mark here in Korea. I've grown a lot, seen a lot, experienced a lot, and learned a lot. But as I think about what's next to come in my life, I wish I could go back to being 5 years old where someone made all my decisions for me. Granted, life wouldn't be as fun, but it would be a heck of a lot simpler.
Some foreigners come here and make the easy decision to stay for another year, 2 years, or choose to call this their permanent home. Others know immediately that living in Korea for one day longer than a year would be sheer torture. They're on a plane back to North America so fast they barely have time to say goodbye. As for me, I feel like I'm walking through mud - trying to find a solid ground but have no idea which way to turn.
If I stay in Korea, I don't know if I could stay for a full year. I miss my friends and family. I miss driving. I miss "normal" food. I miss happy hours. I miss the beach and real mountains. I miss blending in. If I were to stay, should I stay at my hagwon where I have the opportunity to work in the mornings to make extra money? Downfalls of my job: I hate working at night, I hate that I have no time off, my closet sized apartment, living an inconvenient distance from my friends, and the fact that because I work at night I feel like my social life is severely hindered. Or should I stay at the same school where everyone knows me, my boss is kind, and I have one of the easiest jobs in Korea? If I stay, how long should I stay: 2 months, 6 months, a year? Plus sides of staying: saving money and the opportunity to do some more traveling.
If I were to go back to the U.S., what would I do? I've researched some different companies that I would like to send my resume to. But the thought of having to go through the whole interview process again makes me want to shut myself in my room and never come out. Plus, I still don't really know what I want to do. In addition to finding a job, add the stress of worrying about money, buying a car, paying for insurance, finding a place to live, deciding if I should live alone or with a roommate. But it would be great to get back home where I can actually call people on the phone, everyone I know and love is within a 4 hour time difference, and I can actually communicate with people without playing charades. I miss spending time with my brothers, Fuller family get-togethers, and I hate missing out on all the fun things my college friends are doing.
Well, if you have any suggestions or advice, I'm all ears. Clearly I have no clue what to do or where to go. I'm praying about it and trying to trust God, but I would love to have some sort of plan as soon as possible, just to give me some piece of mind. Besides that, I'm happy, healthy, and ready for spring. I've definitely learned that winter and I do not get along. I'm sick of layers and ready for dresses and bikinis. Happy St. Patty's Day!
Haley!
ReplyDeleteThese are the thoughts that are whirling around in my own head every day. Luckily I have the chance to go home in late April to think things over, but my main thought at the moment is do I want to come back. Yes I will be saving and making money, I have the opportunity to travel a bit more, I will continue to advance and maintain my Spanish, spend more time with the friends that I have made here, and continue to play water polo. But are all those things better than the life I could live in North America? I am not sure. Just like you I am missing driving my car, chatting with family, seeing friends, the sunshine, the river (and beaches when I am lucky,) "normal food," the simplicity of conversations, and just the feeling of being on the ground I know.
When are you planed to return to USA?
I hope that things fall into place for you, it may not happen easily but I hope you chose the path that makes you the happiest. Overall I hope all is well and that you are wearing green today, do they recognize that day there?
Miss you and I am sending you a gigantic hug!